by Jay O'Toole

Created on: August 16, 2007   Last Updated: November 25, 2008

Living with Autism means being lonely for most of my 47 years and learning to be contented and peaceful with the solitude.

Living with Autism means being misunderstood is normal, and being understood is the exception.

Living with Autism means trying to engage others in friendship and having them "scorch my eyebrows" instead because I wasn't "playing the game right."

Living with Autism means having to accept the labels "Mean, Antisocial, and Selfish" foisted upon my life by people who are all those things...in my humble opinion.

Living with Autism means being able to endure intense levels of pain, (like losing a big toenail after a marathon, slicing a fingers accidentally with a broken coffee cup, and making a big gash at the base of my left middle finger when I slid up the post on the side of a watermelon truck while tossing melons as a teen,) without expression and without words.

Living with Autism means being a toddler and teaching myself not to cry very much because people liked me better when I was calm.

Living with Autism means learning how to be a journalist at a very early age in order to survive social settings that I did not understand...with people who did not want to teach me what I should already know...naturally. :/

Living with Autism means not being diagnosed as a child because the research was still in its infancy, and because my Dad believed that physical problems were from the "neck down."

Living with Autism means teaching myself about autism because I have been given a good mind, the ability to learn, and the realization the "If it is to be, it's up to me!"

Living with Autism means seeking out the help of counsellors from my late twenties into my mid forties in order to understand why I "mis-cued" so much when dealing with people, why I couldn't "read" people, and why I always seemed to end up having my life go badly when I tried so hard to make it go right.

Living with Autism means living around otherwise fine folks who want to know "why I need a label" and why I talk about autism so much because "there is nothing wrong" with me.

Living with Autism means being told to "just be myself" while knowing that what is really wanted is for me to just be them...wearing my face.

Living with Autism means being created by God in a unique way, for a unique purpose, with a unique genius that He wants me to use for the betterment of Mankind.

He left me the examples of Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, Bill Gates, and Benjamin Franklin to encourage me to

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