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I remember it clearly , almost as if it were yesterday instead of almost 25 years ago. I think it was the first time I realized that maybe I wasn't as important to him as he was to me. Maybe our relationship was only as strong as our friendship. Maybe it was "friends with benefits" before "friends with benefits" was even thought of in those terms.

Just a little background so you will understand why things played out the way they did. Bill and I worked together so we were friends before we dated. It was a great friendship. We did everything together from working to going to church. Through me Bill and my brother became the best of friends, something they remain to this day. In fact it has been said that Bill not only dated Karen, he also dated Wayne. We were the 3 Musketeers, where there were 2, the other was not far behind. I guess I should have seen the signs at that time, but by this time, I was in love.

Now we had just graduated from high school when Bill called to tell me that his parents were going to be out of town and he was going to have me over for supper and to watch a movie, just the 2 of us. Now the time that we had just the 2 of us alone in a house was almost nonexistence since we both lived at home and sex was a new part of our relationship and we had to sneak and work it in when everyone at his house was asleep. The night finally came and I prepared for my night . Just the 2 of us eating and watching a movie and then who knew what. I knew for certain that we would have sex, but I was alright with that as I loved him as much as he said he loved me. I do believe he loved me too, but love for an 18 year old girl and 19 year old boy are vastly different.

I remember the dinner well, he was and still is an excellent cook. After dinner we cleaned up the kitchen, saying this is what it would be like if we were married and such things that young people say, we were having a great time. It was at that time that I decided I had to use the bathroom. It is then that my world crashed down on me and I began to wonder if all he really wanted me for was sex. I had gotten my period. I was crushed. I started to cry. I came out of the bathroom and Bill said "what's wrong?" as he took me in his arms. I said "we can't do anything tonight.". Bill said looking kind of scared "why not?" I said "because I got my period." Bill looked almost happy but I'm sure he was just relieved as he said "that's ok, we can just call Wayne to come in and he can watch the movie with us." Now I love my brother, but this was supposed to be just our night. I was crushed. Not only was I crushed, but I was totally pissed off. Why couldn't we have just spent the night cuddling and watching tv together or we could have made out if he wanted but no, he wanted to bring my brother into our night. I don't know if he knew I was mad because of what he did, but it did make me think am I only good enough to be alone with when he wanted sex? He did call my brother and my brother did come in. I remember wanting to go home and just cry, in fact I did cry, but I stayed because I loved him and wanted to be with him.

That was almost 25 years ago and as I think about it now, I don't really think Bill just wanted me for sex, I think he just couldn't get past the 3 of us being together all the time and it just didn't make sense that since we couldn't make love that Wayne shouldn't be able to be there with us. He didn't realize that there were other ways to make love other then sex. He didn't realize how good it is to be with someone you love and just be together. Guess that just goes to show that maybe 18 is too young to have such a grownup relationship.

Learn more about this author, Karen Miller.
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