by Christopher Kendalls

Created on: August 15, 2007

Insecurity is a symptom of deeper issues in the relationship; when relationships get boring or individuals settle into a routine that voice inside of your head begins to question why that other person is with you to begin with. You ask yourself a series of rhetorical questions in your own head, and if your partner doesn't do anything to answer them, doesn't show you any reasons why you shouldn't question the relationship you then take the extra step of actually asking your partner those questions out loud. Men or women could be asking these questions, in different ways:

"Why do you love me?"
"What is it about me that is different from anyone else?"
"Am I beautiful?"
"What is it about me that is beautiful?"
"How am I different from anyone else?"
"Why is it that you do not think that I would cheat on you?"
"What makes you think that I am cheating on you?"
"Why are you so comfortable with me?"
"How should I make love to you?"
"Why don't you know how to make love to me?"

Often it appears when we are at our most vulnerable during sex. You've heard her concerns, and feel that a lot needs to be done to get into the mood so she's making out with you and though you are physically ready you prefer a smoother transition into intercourse that you had the last time around so you keep putting it off to get her into the mood. Chances are once she is ready you're out of the loop and have to get yourself back to where you need to be. She was ready for you, now it's back to the drawing board as the timing is off and you both need another ten minutes.

Perhaps she has those movies in her head you two were watching, or the ones she figures you watch when she isn't around or whatever. She can't do a lot of what those girls do, (truth is neither can a lot of them but it is their job) as unrealistic as it is it takes a deviation on what you two would normally do and instead of being relaxed and taking it easy she's preoccupied with her self image. On the other hand you might get insecure because you can't perform as those guys would. But is the real issue your performance or the fact that you aren't taking authority in other areas of their relationship or over your household, or that she makes more money than you? Is her issue that she truly wants to be uninhibited or the fact that you seem to be attracted to other women who are and may feel pressured just to do so for you? Insecurity in the relationship often plays out in the bedroom, particularly when there is insecurity about other issues

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