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Sleep has become as lost to me as a transparent sliver in a body of water. My mind is a race car traveling faster then most normal men can ever hope to have a chance of even attempting to control a force so great. I lay dorment in my bed attempting to clear the thoughts which have become to make me a prisoner in my own body, teasing me with hopes, but scaring me with fears. The greatest of all the pains I have been forced to hold in and contend with is the thought that I will never be able to figure out what it all means. The fear that I will never be able to work them out and move on. In ways I fear they will leave me like a POW who returns home from being held for so long. Sure there happy that the the pain and fear that they had to deal with for so long is finally at its end, but they will never be the same because of it. They will forever be scared with nightmares of the darkness which they had become almost dependent on, never wanting to go back to the pain but never being able to return to home as well. My fear is being stuck in the middle of who I truly am with little hope of returning. So for now I will just lay here and think about who I am and all of the thoughts I have to sort through. My fears, my wants, my passions, my love, my hate. I only wish the road to my answers held somone to walk with me on my journey, somone who understands. Alone is such a horrible way to die, and my heart feels like its near its final empty beat.

Learn more about this author, Jeffery Parkes.
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