2 of 71

Write now Article Tools

When the clock in my car hit 8:00 I took a deep breath and got out. Funny place for a job interview. The guy said it was a home-based internet company, but somehow I wasn't expecting a real home. There was even a girl playing on the swings out back. This was my potential workplace?

Ron met me at the door then took me down to his combination basement/warehouse. The warehouse was bigger than you'd expect, and row after row of white storage boxes lined the shelves. We sat down and Ron described the job duties. Pretty basic stuff, you take orders from customers, pack boxes, then ship em out. As he spoke I fought back the depressing thought that it had come to this. Seven years of accounting experience and my best prospect was a $10/hr job shipping boxes. But when you're an American trying to work in Montreal you take what you can get.

Ron finished his talk then said he wanted to try me out on various tasks. First up: strength test. He asked me to pull down one of the storage boxes then lift it back up. I hid a grimace. Great. I'll be heaving heavy boxes around a warehouse all day. Yippee.

I sighed and grabbed a box, preparing to slide it off the shelf. Suddenly I noticed the words written on the side: "Playboy 2005." My eyes widened and I glanced at the other boxes. They all had labels like Playboy, Penthouse, Hustler, and others I'd never even heard of. The entire warehouse was wall-to-wall smut.

My mouth was agape. This... was my potential workplace?

My God, I thought... I must get this job!

I slid the box onto the floor and hoisted it back up in the blink of an eye. "You'll be dealing with these boxes often," Ron said, "so I hope that feels ok."

Rummaging around a big box of porn all day? Felt fine to me. Shoot, it felt like college again.

Ron then had me work with the company's accounting software. Cake. Next came a typing test and I nailed 50 wpm easily. I was acing this interview.

The final test involved working with pictures on the computer. Ron chose a magazine and asked me to scan a page with several small pictures on it. The pictures were of women in a variety of poses, some of which I hadn't thought physically possible.

With the images scanned onto the computer, Ron began having me work with them. "Ok Mike, go to the second picture now. Zoom in 200%. Now select that part right there."

"Um... that part?"

"No, that part," he said, pointing closer. "The whole thing. Good. Now put it on full screen mode."

I never knew my fingertips could sweat. After several minutes Ron congratulated me, but a look of concern came over his face. "Now Mike, a significant part of the job is working with these images. Would that bother you?"

I stared back with a serene smile. "No Ron. I think I'll be ok with it."

He smiled and threw up his hands. "Well Mike, you're the best candidate we've had so far. I think it's safe to say that I'll be calling back with an offer soon."

This... was my workplace! You know, my career path had always been uncertain, but perhaps today I was meeting my destiny...

"Now, do you have any questions for me?"

Oops, back to reality. I took a deep breath, picked up the envelope I'd brought along and took out the Canadian immigration documents. No employer yet had wanted to endure the hassles of hiring an American citizen, but there were larger forces at work here, it had to be different, right?

As I began to explain the forms I saw Ron's eyes glaze over. When I finished he looked at me with a thin smile and said, "Well Mike... I'll let you know." My heart sank. It was over.

Ron showed me to the door and I trudged back to my car. I'd come so close to that job of a lifetime. But merely seeing that such opportunities exist had been very uplifting. Destiny would have to wait...

Learn more about this author, Mike Mulhern.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

Add your voice

Know something about Testimonials: Humorous stories from of job loss and unemployment?
We want to hear your view. Write now!