Musings from a broken mind:

From the outside everything seems normal, regular, we fit into everyone else's perception of what's right. However we see ourselves as different. We feel different. Feel as if we act different; are constantly fearing that someone will see through our disguise and discover everything we've been hiding so well. You see people with mental health disorders live life behind a mask. No matter how honest and open we may seem there is always something we will be hiding. Even our closest loved ones and family will never know exactly what is going on inside our heads. Most people choose not to share simply because what they are thinking, seeing or hearing is simply too shocking for anyone else to know about. The embarrassment and shame of admitting to someone what we are thinking (or in some cases doing) is too much. It is easier to hide it away and try to handle it ourselves.

Some people can go on living like this for years and grow into expert actors. Every day having to hide that little dark secret within themselves. That dark secret which constantly niggles away at the back of their mind slowly consuming them until eventually it takes over. Controlling every aspect of their daily life. For some people this is manageable, however for some it is all too much and they turn to drastic measures sometimes ending in death or life time institutionalization. This is not always the case though. With the help of trained professionals many sufferers can be helped and trained to cope with their illnesses. It is fact that there is no known cure for a mental health disorder; they are simply controlled through therapy and medication.
Think about it though, almost every other disease known to man can be detected with some form of equipment, be it an x-ray blood sample or scan. The difference with a mental illness is that its diagnosis depends solely on the patient's honesty. Revealing to someone you hardly know your innermost thoughts can be a daunting task for anyone. Just consider how difficult it would be for a person who daily hallucinates, self harms or acts compulsively. Behavior which society deems as unacceptable. To then have the burden of your future mental state resting heavy on your shoulders as you sit there in a cold sweaty nervous heap in your humble little Gp's office.
For some the idea of simply leaving their home from day to day is all too much to bear never mind traipsing boldly into the doctors. We are constantly fighting a battle. A battle against our conditions. The conditions holding us hostage as the trained professionals hold out their hands to us puzzled as to why we don't run towards them. After all they are just regular Joes why would they do us any harm?
This is exactly the point! These professionals are just your average people, sure they may treat hundreds of similar patients every week but do they actually suffer themselves? Unless they do (which is extremely rare) they wouldn't ever really understand what we're going through. You can read all the text books in the world on how to treat schizophrenia or how to handle a person who daily self harms, but you'll never really know what is going on inside our heads. Some days we may visit the clinic and seem quite perky and open but then get home and sob all night trying to hide from the voices in our heads.
The key is trust. Mental Health professionals have to gain our trust if they're going to get anywhere. It's not as though we are stubborn, god knows how much strength it took to get to this point in the first place! It is simply that interpersonal barrier we both have to cross together to progress.

Learn more about this author, Rebecca Anderson.
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