by myssmorganna

Created on: August 13, 2007

Years ago I went through a bout of Anxiety and Panic attacks.
I had a bad reaction to a medication I had been taking, my husband's young sister died suddenly in her sleep for no known reason and then my best friend died the day before the Twin Towers were attacked. All of a sudden my little world of security was turned upside down! My mind was constantly bombarded with horrible "what if" thoughts. My body would go through this panic attack where I felt like I couldn't breathe and it felt like someone had jumped pumped my body with an IV of ice water. This was before I knew what panic attacks were.

No one that I knew at the time could relate and I felt like I was the only person in the world that suffered from this. I constantly felt like I was having a heart attack because the stress of worrying all of the time was taking a toll on my muscles in my neck and chest. I ran to the ER constantly thinking I must be dying of some horrible disease and this was why I felt these awful symptoms. Even when I found out what the cause was anxiety', it didn't stop the horrible thoughts! My doctor was such an angel and really tried to help me. He prescribed all of the usual medications and even referred me to a psychologist. Of course they wanted to talk about what was worrying me and give me more medications. And after having a bad reaction to the one med I was too scared to take any thing they recommended and anyone who is having obsessive thoughts knows that the last thing they want to do is give their thoughts life by speaking them out loud! My pharmacist told me I just needed to stop worrying, where as I told him I might as well just try to stop breathing because that was how uncontrollable my thoughts were at the time! Soon I could hardly function, going to work or out of the house for anything was a major dilemma.
The thing is that when you suffer from panic or worry or obsessive thoughts, they are all in your head' so to speak. That is the problem, how do you get away from your own mind? At my darkest moment I remember thinking that to worry about death or horrible things happening to me and my loved ones all of the time, that the worst thing that could happen to me was that I would die. Well, at least then I wouldn't have to think anymore I rationalized! Of course this was silly but it tells you at what point was a break for me.
One morning on the TV I heard a lady telling about how she was suffering from panic and anxiety attacks. I couldn't believe it, someone else

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