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The Downfall of a Species

Civilization took a drastic downturn with the advent of wax lips. Well, no one has proof that it was the wax lips, but it was in that general era that planetside mankind took a nosedive from which it would never recover. Some people still hold hope that the planet from which we descended might be retaken from the savage brutes calling themselves 'baseball players'. Some people even go down from time to time, to the surface of our beloved homeworld, to discover what went wrong. They never return.

Proof is all well and good, but proof at the expense of life is nonsense. That is why I stick to theories, and what better reason can there be for scores of men to go insane than those hideous 'confections' known as wax lips? I once spent two days in the sanitarium after tasting one. I'll never eat one again! In fact, during my lip-induced temporary insanity, I had declared myself captain of the ship I was on. Immediately, I made two decrees. First, all dot-matrix printers would forever be banished; second, all wax lips would forever be banished. The former had actually been my great grandfather's dying wish, and was obsolete now. Hell, it had probably been obsolete then, too. But imagine the sight of several hundred packages of several hundred year old wax lips being jettisoned out the airlock! Well, okay, they probably weren't THAT old, but you'd have to go back pretty far into humanity's past to find a time when we would willingly eat hideous things like that to fill our bellies.

Ah, I forget myself sometimes. The reason for this rant is that the beloved, but slightly unstable, captain of our beloved, but ridiculously unstable, vehicle, volunteered our services for one of those bloody "discovery expeditions" to our homeworld, the formerly glorious Earth.

Not much is remembered about the barbaric sport of baseball, as all memory banks had been wiped clean of all information pertaining to that particular subject. However, it is commonly understood that it went thusly: A so-called pitcher would hurl a hard little ball at lethal speeds toward a victim standing at the front 'base'. This victim had a primitive club to defend himself with, and would use this club in order to relaunch the ball at some guys standing around in a big patch of grass. These guys in the grass were even more unfortunate, as their defenses consisted entirely of a slightly padded glove and silly hat. Anyway, after a successful relaunching, the victim up front would run around

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