by Susie M. Eldred

Created on: August 12, 2007

As a parent of three, I find it hard to make a clear choice on either side of the debate. I voted on the side of the child, because I think it is important to remember, that good kids make bad choices sometimes. I was once reminded that it is not always the parents fault when their child does something wrong. As children grow, many others have an influence in their lives. How big of an impact others make depends on the circumstances surrounding the situation. As a person who has spent many years working with parents and children, through professional and volunteer work, I have seen how an argument for both sides of this issue could be made.

It is true that young children are like sponges. Their curious minds are ready to learn and explore the world and people around them. However, there is a difference between broadening the intellect and learning acceptable behavior. When instilling our values and teaching appropriate behavior to our children, we need to remember what works for one child does not necessarily work for another. We are all individuals. Parenthood is the hardest, most important job one will ever face, yet there is nothing to prepare you for its journey. One cannot conceive all the love, excitement, and yes, pain that goes along with it. Children do not come with instruction booklets. There are many so called experts, all with there own theories, eager to offer advice. All a parent can do is to find what works for their family.

I have personally seen a child who came from a family with high moral values and yet they still ended up getting into serious trouble. These parents supported them in every way a parent can. This particular family had other children too. The rest of them ended up making wise decisions. I have also seen children who came from very poor examples of upbringing, that some how were able to overcome their situations. I watched them act as productive students and community members. There are times when a child's conduct is a result of unsatisfactory parental support. I have seen many of these situations also.

Therefore, the question remains; is it the parent or child's fault when a child behaves badly? I think we have to look at each situation uniquely. As we raise our children, we need to be committed; committed to watching them as they grow. We will gain the most insight when they are unaware we are watching. A parent's skills grow as their children do. Love and communication are an essential part of the success. If a parent is truly committed, and their child goes astray, they should not be looked upon as failures. When a parent chooses not take the time to guide their children, then they have failed.

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