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I'm now divorced and my ex-in-laws are deceased, but I got along well with my husband's parents. Part of my success...I "wanted" to get along with them. I did not want to see them as adversaries, but an enhancement to my life.

I believe jealousy often plays a part in not getting along with in-laws. Jealousy only damages what could be an enrichment for all parties. If you go in with the mindset that the in-laws are enemies, that's probably what they will become. If you go in with the mindset that you will do your best to form a loving bond, it will probably become a reality.

Show respect to your in-laws and hopefully you'll get it back.

Understand that your in-laws knew your spouse from the beginning and long before you knew your spouse. They may feel they are losing part of him/her, to you. Don't try to keep your spouse away from his family, but become "part" of his family.

Don't get in a competition with in-laws. You goal is to get along with them, not argue about petty issues.

Pick your battles. There are times an issue will come up with the in-laws and you have to decide if it's worth causing friction or if it's something that needs to be dealt through constructive communication.

Stand united with your spouse on how to deal with issues involving the in-laws.

Don't share negatives about your spouse with your in-laws. Those issues should be dealt with between you and your spouse and not allowed to cause conflict with the in-laws.

Focus on the positives about your in-laws. Treat them special as you would a friend in overlooking those things that don't really matter in the big picture.

Embrace having an extended family.

Learn more about this author, Kathy D.
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