Everyone wants travel accomodations to be a pleasant, comfortable reminder of home whilst away from home. However, choosing appropriate lodgings can be tricky amongst the pricey selections available in market today. Luckily, Dr. Schlitz here can help: here are some helpful tips and hints on picking the right hotel for you!

Smoking or non-smoking? Check to see if the hotel is smoker-friendly. Nothing ruins a business trip like casually lighting up your crack pipe only to find the local authorities and an irritated hotel concierge at your door.

Entertainment. Does the hotel provide basic cable? Even better, is adult programming on pay-per-view available? If so, dim the lights, close the curtains, and treat yourself to a night of relaxing pleasure... charged to your expense account, of course.

Mini-bar. You know the scenario: summer vacation with the wife and kids; twelve grueling hours on America's highways with incessant whining and bathroom stops. Like a distant mirage, all you can hope for is to drown your sorrows in the poorly stocked mini-bar's offbrand libations... only to find you've rung up a $150 bar bill in the morning. A frugal traveler always drinks gratis.

Accomodations. Does the hotel accept cash, and do they ask for photo identification? A good, cheap room, no questions asked, can save a marriage.

Cleanliness. Let's face it: no one likes to stay in a filthy room. Most concierges will be happy to answer your sanitary queries. What is the semen levels on the bed linens? Is the used-syringe-to-dead-hooker ratio within acceptable levels? Find out ahead of time and avoid an embarrassing hepatitis infection.

Use these tips and your next out of town stay will be hassle-free.

Learn more about this author, Schlitz Palsy.
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