This topic is very sensitive to me and on a very personal level. My sister is approximately 12 years older than me, which means that this August she will be 36. My sister, Michele, has been trying to get pregnant for as long as I can remember. (Or, at least, it seems that way.) Michele has been married twice already and she was unable to get pregnant with either man. She is now engaged again and has been going to the OB/GYN and again dealing with all sorts of birth control, being tested, poked, and prodded beyond belief.

I specifically asked her if she had considered in vitro-fertilization. I couldn't understand what her response was, as it was a verbatim description of the medical terms, so I asked her to please clarify. Michele explained that with all of the testing that she has gone through they have found out that her eggs are basically "duds." If all of the timing were to go right and a sperm found its way to her egg, nothing would happen. Her doctor told her that if they tried to fertilize her egg, it wouldn't work. I believe her chances of it "taking" are less than 1%.

My sister's only other option is to have a surrogate mother. Michele told me that she would not be able to ask just anyone to do that for her, because she is worried about the 'donor' mother wanting to keep the child for herself and that she would want her baby to look somewhat like her.

That leaves me, her half-sister from her father's second marriage. I'm the only female relative with some of the same genes, and young enough to most likely not have a problem. Except for all the questions that are raised with this prospect, that is.

I got pregnant in January 2005 with my son, an unexpected gift from above because I truly believed that I would have the same infertility problems as my sister. My son's father and I are not together so when I found out that I was pregnant I was faced with all the options of abortion, adoption, and to keep him. I chose to keep him because I could not even consider parting with someone who was my own flesh and blood. Not to mention that my spiritual beliefs completely rule out abortion.

So how would I ever be able to give up a child to my sister? How would I explain that to my son? Well, sweetheart, this is your cousin, sorta. He's really your brother (or sister) but your Uncle is his (or her) father. Heck, I'm already confused. I guess it might help that they live in a different state, but every time I would see the child I would think, "that's my baby."

My boyfriend is completely against it, not because he doesn't want me to help my sister, but because I would be pregnant by another man and not him. Plus the whole going through the pregnancy and birthing process and then just giving the baby away. It doesn't sit very well. I commend all the women who can do that, who can give such beautiful gifts to the women who can't have precious babies on their own. They are much stronger than I am. I feel rather torn on the subject.

Learn more about this author, Cara D'Antonio.
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