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"Life is difficult." This is a quote from author Scott Peck, M.D. in his book, The Road Less Traveled. I agree with him that for all of us, life is difficult, and everyone will suffer setbacks, tragedies, and disappointments. How does one recover from the difficulties and setbacks in life?

This short true story about a person I know will suffice to describe one man's major life setbacks, their devastating effects on him and his family, and his resilience in recovering. John, not his true name, grew up in the inner city with poverty and violence commonplace. Everyone has choices in life but John did not make right choices. He joined a street gang and rose in their ranks. Eventually he became second in command, running drug operations and even ordering the murder of those who stood in his way, John was caught by the authorities, convicted, and sentenced to life in prison. This was a crime in which there is no chance of parole or early release. At age 25, John had to leave his wife and children to spend the rest of his natural life in prison.

I met John after he had been serving about five years. He worked for me within the maximum security prison for over seven years, a violent, depressing place to be. Incredibly, he was always upbeat, pleasant, hopeful, and ready to work. It made me think to myself, how can you be this way? How can you not be depressed, suicidal, or uncaring?

John had learned the key elements in overcoming a catastrophic situation in his life. Those key elements are the basis for recovery in any of life's major setbacks, be it the death of a loved one, a divorce, serious illness, or financial difficulties. If John could learn and apply these key ingredients, so can you. He developed an attitude of "make the best of a bad situation." John developed a strong spiritual life and through that a sense of meaning even in prison.

People who are facing major setbacks have to deal with the grieving process as described by psychologist Dr. Kubler-Ross, the final step of which is acceptance. One must accept that the setback has happened and how one deals with it determines the future course of one's life. As Victor Frankl put it in Man's Search for Meaning, "We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms-to choose

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