'I used to be confused, now I just don't know...' to quote A-ha.

I went through a lot of stages in trying to define my sexuality. My first attempt was 'monogamist', which kept the question of gender preference out of the picture. Then when that relationship fell apart, I tried out 'bisexual'. I think I am back to 'monogamist' again, now I'm happily married and wouldn't want to touch another man, or woman, again.

Talking to women who self-define as bisexual and gay women who have occasionally chosen to sleep with men, there seems to be one common strand: women are fussier about the women they will sleep with than the men they will sleep with. There are few women I have desperately wanted to kiss and touch, but when I have felt that way it has been a very strong urge, whereas the hormonal side of contact with a man means that there are far more of them who might just do.

How natural is all this, and how conditioned? I like the Freudian image of 'polymorphous perversity'... we are born with an appreciation of pleasure no matter what its source, and I believe that everything that puts boundaries on that is mere learned behavior and socialization, nurture rather than nature. That doesn't mean it is right or wrong, but to snipe and sneer at those who are playing with social boundaries seems mere spitefulness to me.

Let women, and men, self-define their sexuality and enjoy their bodies as they wish. It is no one else's business.

Learn more about this author, Forest Valley.
Click here to send author comments or questions.

---

Add your voice

Know something about Female bi-sexuality?
We want to hear your view. Write now!