You know you are having a bad day when:

1.) ...you smell something burning, you bump your head, and drop your cell phone -
and you haven't gotten out of bed yet.

2.) ...you're sitting at your desk, goofing a bit with your friends, and you get your report back. It says "See me". Your co-workers start laughing their asses off.

3.) ...you turn over to slap the alarm off. Before you reluctantly ooze out of bed, you peck your loved one on the cheek and say "Good morning, dear". (S)he says, "yyaahhhmp, mmm-hmmm, -(yawning) - g'morning, Bill." Your name's Charles.

4.) ...you're heading to town for some fun after a hard day of classes. Absent-mindedly, your foot gets a little heavy, and soon you have blue lights flashing behind you. The officer asks for the usual, so you produce your license and give it to him.

It's not your license. And the car you're driving isn't owned by Harry Ohshit Smith!

5.) ...your kid comes up to you and says "Okay, it wasn't me this time. Well, maybe a little - but it wasn't my fault! Besides, there's only a little damage."

6.) ...you're "googling" as part of a job search and you get "did you mean 'loser'?"

7.) ...when you open up a piece of junk mail from the sales/marketting department of some no-name credit card company, and the first line is "Yes! Even *YOU* qualify for our..."

8.) ...the telephone wakes you out of a sound sleep. Heell-helloo?"

"This is Sergeant Jones. Good news, sir. We found your car and if you coul..."

(THUMP!)

"...sir? Are you still there? Hello?..."

9.) ...your little one comes up to you and says..."(Daddy), some guy named Mr. Uhoh
is on the phone. He says he's from the bank. What's 'insolbent'?"

10.) ...your alarm clock doesn't go off, and you panic as you lazily open one eye and see 7:48 screaming at you. You scream back, and in one giant leap to the closet, you throw on your shirt, and slacks and don your socks and shoes in mid air. You bound the stairs in one leap and pray that nobody at the office subtly offers you a Tic Tac. Or a bar of soap. Or a can of Lysol!

You break at least a dozen traffic laws as you become Tony Hawk and your car his board. You're panicked, but at the same time kind of impressed with how cool you can be, steering with one hand and working your tie with the other. You squeal into the parking lot in a dizzying haze, and land your spot on a dime.

You made it! You're way out of breath but, man, you got the moves! And while you're patting yourself on the back, out of your radio, the DJ seems happy for you too.

"Well, good morning to you! It's 8 o'clock on a beeeayuuuutiful Satur..."

"%!@$@#$%*(&^%()*&@#)$(&%)#&$*#^&!$!()#)%^#&*#^@#!$% )@#%+_!&%#@#@!"

Learn more about this author, Stanley W. Shura.
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