by cricket

Created on: August 02, 2007

The term "codependent" is flung about with much frequency in recent years, largely by people with only a passing understanding of what a codependency is all about. In layman's terms, a codependent is someone who has difficulty separating their own emotions, and in extreme cases, their own thoughts, from the emotions or thoughts of the people with whom they interact. Most codependents are intelligent people; however, they've learned coping mechanisms along the road of life that are actually quite harmful.

The concept of codependency originated to describe family members who were affected by a loved one's abuse of alcohol. In time, the mental health community realized that the same coping skills and behaviors were visible in others, people who had not been touched by the ravages of alcohol or drug abuse.

People who exhibit codependent behaviors are typically regarded as "people pleasers", or "yes men." These individuals want so very badly for the world around them to run smoothly that they are willing to sacrifice their wants, desires, feelings, and thoughts to make that happen. Frequently they feel that if something bad happens at home or at work that it was their fault, even if they were not involved in the situation directly.

Other characteristics of codependency include:
Difficulty making decisions
Judging everything done or said by themselves as never good enough
Valuing others' approval of their thoughts, feelings and behavior over their own
Perceiving themselves as unlovable and not worthwhile
Consistently compromising their own values and integrity to avoid rejection or anger from others
Extreme sensitivity to the feelings of others, often adopting those feelings as their own
Extreme loyalty, frequently staying in bad situations far too long
Attempting to control others in an effort to "help" them
Believing that others are incapable of taking care of themselves, and doing everything for that other person
Becoming resentful when others will not let them help
Using sex to gain approval and acceptance
Having to feel "needed" in order to have a relationship with others

This is just a small list, other examples of codependent behavior and thinking can be found at: http://coda.org/ .

Some codependents learn these behaviors and coping skills as a child, others develop them later in life, depending on what circumstances find them later. For the individual who learns codependent behavior early in life, breaking these habits is not only essential in forming healthy

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