by Elizabeth Kelley

Created on: August 01, 2007

"The path to hell is paved with good intentions." This old saying applies somewhere in most people's lives who have ever made a bad choice. I don't believe most people start out to intentionally make a bad choice. I think people make choices that they think are right at the time, and somewhere along the way, realize that it was the wrong path all along. I admit, I have made some bad choices in life.

Although throughout my adolescence, I made some bad choices when it came to certain friendships that ought not to have transpired, words that ought not to have been spoken, and clothes that ought not to have been worn, the first time I can definitely say I made a terrible choice, was when I was seventeen years old. When I became old enough to understand the concept of having a boyfriend, and the implications of a young girl being labeled a slut, I told myself that I would never allow myself to fall into the trap that so many young girls do. I told myself that I would never consummate a relationship with a boy just to keep him interested in me. As a matter of fact, there was a time when I swore that I was going to save all physical relations for my marriage.

However, when I was seventeen, I changed my mind. I fell so deeply in love with someone who didn't seem to respond with the same level of interest that I portrayed. I was desperate to get his attention, to have him notice me, and to make him love me. Looking back, I know it is a foolish thing to want to "make" someone love you, but at the age of seventeen, no one could have told me otherwise. For eight long, agonizing months, I wrote him letters, gave him thoughtful reminders of my existence, and demanded attention in any form I could manage. However, he still didn't seem to have the same level of attraction for me. So, I made a decision. I knew what he sought, and I wanted to give him anything to keep him happy and interested. After all of my promises, to others and to myself, that I would never fall into the trap, alas, I found myself caged. Even as I made the choice to make the bad decision, I seemed to know that it was bad. However, I was still desperate to make a difference in how he viewed me. In the end, as things so often go in this story, the decision didn't make a difference in our relationship, and I was left with the overwhelming knowledge that I had made a very bad decision.

After that first seriously bad decision, I made others. I have made a lot of bad decisions in my life. However, most people don't begin on a journey expecting to make a bad decision. I know I never have. If I can say one thing after all of the decisions I have engaged in that turned out bad, I can say that I have wholeheartedly learned from the past, and I am at peace with the fact that I can now reflect on some of the wrong choices I have made, and realize that they have all helped bring me down the path I am on now, and the path I am on now, is the best path for me.

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