So you find out your teenager is sexually active. What do you do?

Although I taught abstinence and the "sex is for adults" to them from when they were old enough to understand, both of my children became sexually active before they were 18.

My son didn't tell me; I found out through his sister whose friend he was dating. She told my daughter, my daughter told me. I told my son never to go out without a raincoat. End of story. He already knew this from health class in high school.

And I know this is going to sound terrible and it's a double standard, but I wasn't that concerned. As long as he was protecting himself and the girl, I didn't worry about it too much. After all, at the age of nearly 18, a boy's hormones are raging. But I did preach about the condoms often.

His father, on the other hand, had a talk with him after the horse was out of the gate. His father is a fundamentalist and believes sex should only occur between a married couple. And, of course, between himself and whoever he happens to be dating at the time. He told my son to "wait until marriage." A little too late. I think my condom advice was more realistic and more sound.

My daughter, now, was a different story. Luckily, she and I have an open relationship. I always discussed "the facts of life" with her; unlike my mother who told me to "ask my friends" in which case I really didn't know anything about sex until I got married.

She told me that she and her boyfriend had sex. I was stunned. As a matter of fact, I walked around in a daze for nearly a week. They had been careful, he used condoms. I told her they are an excellent source of birth control, but not enough. I then proceeded to tell her that condoms can break and the boy must withdraw and remove the condom immediately after ejaculation. She knew that, because she took health in high school. She also knew that he couldn't just "pull out" prior to orgasm because of pre-ejaculation (something I never knew) and that, contrary to popular belief, you CAN get pregnant during your period (another thing I never knew).

I was raised Catholic and never used artificial birth control. Both my children were planned and the rhythm and withdrawal method were my means of "birth control." I never took birth control pills.

Her father never had "the talk" with her about waiting until marriage, unlike the talk he had with his son. I assume that was because he was busy shopping around for chastity belts for her.

I don't condone

• 1
• 2
• 3
• next page >>

---

Add your voice

Know something about Testimonies: What to do if your teenager is sexually active?
We want to hear your view. Write now!