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Did you know that it is illegal to let your dog sleep in your bathtub in Brooklyn? Or name your child Monica in Equatorial Guinea. Or slam your car door shut in Switzerland.Or what about it being illegal to marry your wife's grandmother in Kentucky?

Now we have added more loony laws in the U.S. Such as the dog barking ordinance. (If your dog barks four times per minute for more than ten minutes, or two times a minute for at least a half hour, both the owner of the dog and the dog would be in violation of said law and fined accordingly.) Now really. Would that mean that they'd actually count the amount of barks.And what about a howl? Is a howl in violation? Isn't that what dogs are supposed to do? Bark or howl? Isn't that their only form of communication? And what is a cop supposed to do? Stand there and count on his fingers while a bank is being held up down the bock.

And what about the latest car regulations in Connecticut, including: No eating while behind a wheel of a moving vehicle. I can understand a gourmet meal, like lobster Newburg or spaghetti with clams, which tend to be a bit messy and requires a certain amount of dexterity. But a bagel or a banana? Really

Isn't it more dangerous to pass out cold from starvation? And what about cough drops or breath fresheners? Do they fall into the food category? I'm not sure. Both are chewed and swallowed. Hmmm. How about chewing without swallowing? Like chewing gum? (Not bubble gum. Admittedly, bubbles can be distracting.) Especially large ones. Or your bottom lip? Or fingernails? Or what if we chewed on a hot dog and spit it out? That wouldn't actually be eating. Would it? You could probably beat it in court.

Another thing, what about beverages? Both eating and drinking require swallowing. Or is chewing much more distracting than swallowing? It's all very confusing.

Another gem, changing stations on your radio, is also against the law in Connecticut. What are they going to do? Hide under our seats and video our every move? And what about lowering the radio? Is that permitted? Particularly if your teenage kid (while you're not looking) raises the volume to an ear-shattering pitch that would cause a dog to hurl itself off a cliff and you to jump out of your pants and smash into the closest pole. Question: In that case, would it be illegal to smash the radio with a sledge hammer?

Another thing, what about giving someone the finger? (the fingerer) Or getting the finger? (the fingeree) The Brilliant Ones are trying to

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