by Tom Koecke

Created on: August 01, 2007   Last Updated: May 18, 2010

Parents are confronted with mixed messages about the best way to deal with children on the issues of sex and drugs. The mixed signals confuse us about what to do next. Children are confronted with mixed messages about the best way to deal with parents on the issues of sex and drugs. The mixed signals confuse them about what to do next.

That is the most important reason to talk to children about sex and drugs: we are all confused about what to do next.

I think back to my own childhood, and recall not seeking my parents' permission for requests likely to be denied. If it were important to me for my own selfish reasons, my parents did not know where I was, though sometimes contented believing I was elsewhere. Occasionally, I would get caught, and be lectured and punished.

While some people can claim abuse and neglect from their parents, neither was a case in my childhood. My parents were loving, nurturing, and supportive. We were encouraged to do well. Though not rich, there was always food on the table, adequate quarters and clothing, and expectations for proper behavior. In other words, I treated my parents that way despite them being exceptional parents.

We just did not talk often. We would say things to each other, but we never talked about how we were all feeling about the things confusing us all at the time.

Talking to my children about sex and drugs became important to me as a parent. It did not work perfectly, but I was able to offer guidance well beyond that which my parents were able to offer me. My children were always allowed to have their own feelings, and are now, as young adults, at liberty to make their own decisions. Hopefully, they will find value from our talks when they make those decisions.

I am proud of my two imperfect children, and they seem proud of their imperfect dad. To this day, we talk as often as able, and that is the second most important reason!

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