5 of 17

Write now Article Tools

"Isn't change what the teen years are all about?" This is a direct quote from my 12 year old daughter, who hasn't been bitten by the "teen" bug and begun the change yet, but would LOVE to start the 7th grade with white blond highlights mixed with hot pink streaks... :) Her 14 year old brother grows his hair out to near shoulder length and then goes one day and has a buzz cut done. And... this is only hair we're talking about.

My husband and I have logged hours talking about these kinds of changes, "how far do we allow it to go?" When it comes to appearances, should they be allowed the freedom to change at a moments notice with no interference? Isn't it just the "outside" and no big deal anyway? Or, does it affect these years of their growth with forever kind of effects?

In a society where birds of a feather flock together, both of our kids are remarkably uninfluenced by a certain "group" of kids. They both go into every situation taking people as they come, no picking and choosing who to befriend and who to avoid. We trust that they feel comfortable talking to us and have had that experience throughout all their lives until now, but there are always things teens don't bring to their parents. At the end of the day, they rely on their friends before their parents. Which brings me to my chief concern. If the friends they are relying on are not emotionally stable, contemplating suicide, self-harming, getting tattoos and piercings to set themselves apart but in a negative light, won't our kids follow suit? Will they be more subjected to suicide and cutting than if they grouped themselves to another group of kids?

We say, no, they won't... In every teen, there are moments of contemplation of suicide, self-harm, rebellion against all forms of authority. Whether or not we allow our kids to change their hairstyles, clothing choices, or social groups, they will be exposed to all of these things. These are critical years for them that will continue to form them into the adults they will eventually be. We are their parents and as such will always be careful to allow changes to unfold dilberately and soberly, whether or not to allow blond highlights or a new hair cut every few months is just the tip of this iceberg.

Our plan, having never raised teenagers before mind you, is to entertain every request for change, talk it through with them thoroughly and make decisions one at a time. When they can't explain their desire to change their mind, it's not time to make that change yet... Wish us luck!

Learn more about this author, Shelia Horton.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

Add your voice

Know something about Dark clothes, funky hair, and that tongue ring! : What's happening to my child??
We want to hear your view. Write now!