by Heather Russell

Created on: July 31, 2007

Life is full of disappointments, setbacks, and frustrations. Often we can bounce back from our problems, feeling a little stronger and wiser. On the other hand, some setbacks appear too devastating to ever move past. Getting through a tough time requires a lot of strength, both mentally and emotionally (and sometimes physically). However, with these three tools in your arsenal, you'll be better equipped to recognize and grasp your precious second chance and move past your setbacks to a brighter tomorrow.

Forgiveness:
The first and most essential ingredient needed to recover from a major setback is a mental one. You can't move on unless you're ready to; part of being ready is believing that you deserve this second chance. Often we tend to blame ourselves in various ways for the problems in our lives. By forgiving yourself for any role you may have played in the setback or for your reaction to it, you are affirming your worth. Forgiveness can, of course, also be aimed outwards. By forgiving the other people involved with your setback, or by forgiving fate or a higher power, you are letting the negative feelings go and leaving the past in the past. By doing so, you can focus on the future and on the wonderful new possibility you've been offered.

A plan:
Write down your specific goals; be as concrete as you can. If your goal is "I want my life to be better," you will be very frustrated in a month when you haven't reached that goal. If you're getting over a rough divorce, your goal may be to feel happy and confident as a single person in two months. If you're recovering from a financial setback, set clear dollar amounts that you want to have saved, or a specific amount of debt you want to have paid off in a year. If you're recovering from an illness or surgery, set a realistic physical goal; would you like to be strong enough to go for a 30-minute walk every day? Do you want to be able to take your kids to the playground by yourself?

Once your goals are concrete, they become more manageable and less scary. By writing them down, you've removed their mystery. Once you've done that, you need to determine what steps you need to take to achieve that goal. Write those down as well. Pick a calender. Pick deadlines. Be ambitious, but be realistic. Share your list with a close friend or loved one to help hold yourself accountable.

A support system:
Surround yourself with people who will support your efforts. These may not always be the people you normally turn to in a jam. Make sure you choose people who will help your goals, not hinder them. This can be difficult; your older sister who is fiercely protective of you and would do anything to avoid seeing you hurt might not be the best person to enlist if you're trying to start dating again. Your carefree friend who believes that depriving yourself is unhealthy might not be the best support if you're trying to save money.

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