by Colby Cannon

Created on: July 30, 2007

On a recent trip home, (the home where we grew up, not the home where we currently reside) my wife and I walked into a crisis involving her mother and her brother. They were at odds with each other, which was nothing new, but this time it seemed more serious than it had in the past. This time, they had not spoken to each other for over a week.

On the surface, that fact alone doesn't seem so dire, but I'll fill you in on some background. My wife's father left when she was nine and her brother was only two. He moved clear across the country, and has been a father in name only, with only sporadic contact and financial support. My wife's mother has been a single mom for nearly seventeen years, and in that time, she's had a very close relationship with both of her children. So when I say that they've gone a week with no communication, that's a pretty big deal.

In reality, though, there hadn't been any real communication for many years. My wife's mother, although she has good intentions, was and is weak in regards to discipline. Growing up, she rarely told her son "no," and is currently experiencing the consequences. Now he's moved out of her house, but he still expects her to pay his bills, to clean his clothes, and to take care of the menial tasks that he's too busy to do, like applying for college. It appears to me that no amount of yelling at him will change him into a self-reliant, disciplined young man. Only time and life experience can do that.

The problem, though, is that his mother won't let him experience anything. Every time he's ever screwed up, she's bailed him out. Short on rent? She writes him a check. He takes her car without asking? She doesn't say a word. He yells at her when she tries to say no? She backs down and he gets his way. With a track record like this, he's only going to continue to push his boundaries until he goes too far.

That's what happened just before our trip home. He threw a party at her house, while she wasn't there, and the place got trashed. Some irreplaceable family things got broken. Apparently this was her breaking point, and she finally yelled at him to get out, and he didn't come back. (Though he kept on using her accounts to pay for food and gas)

So, when my wife and I arrived, we weren't greeted with happy smiles, but instead were greeted with her anguish and fear over what he might do and whether or not she'd ever speak to him again. Ten seconds, that's the amount of time that our trip was pleasant.

She wanted us to get involved,

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