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Statistics bare the realities that the second time around is not better. Only 20% do not end in divorce.Of the remaining 20%, half of these relationships are in denial about the success of the second marriage. There are so many problems and pitfalls to second marriages. If you think that the first time is harder than the first you are not correct.
The mental devastation of the first divorce really disables the mental capabilities to make good decisions. When your second partner comes into your life with their baggage and mental disabilities you end up with two partners on an emotional roller coaster. Loneliness, little self-esteem, inability to cope with raising your children and/or your new partners children and financial responsibilities to your first spouse and family are cause for lack of success that do not generally effect the first marriage.

The best advice is to get it right the first time. Do not exhaust the effort to save the first marriage. The energy spent to salvage a first marriage is a much better investment than the energy to make a second marriage work. Take the time to communicate the problems honestly and negotiate a solution that allows both partners to win. You are in a much better position to know what you partner needs from the marriage after many years. Many second marriages occur within 24 months of a divorce. Unless you take the time to know everything about your second spouse before contracting to love and honor until death, you are doomed to a second failed marriage.

Take time after divorce to dissect the contributions each spouse made which caused the first marriage to fail. Be really clear about how your behaviors caused the relationship to fail. Take time to become your own best friend. Love yourself first before you start spreading the love in search of the perfect mate. Make your changes in behavior before you attempt to build a second marriage with destructive behaviors. Redefine your values and strengthen yourself to hold true to your values when choosing a new partner. Be comfortable with your solitude post divorce. If you cannot stand yourself, how do you expect another partner to stand you. Be comfortable with your ability to make good life decisions. A divorce can certainly cause you to doubt your decision making abilities.

If you insist on jumping into a second marriage, go ahead and jump. Know that love is better the third time around and statistically improved toward success than second marriages. Many remarry their first or second partner and find the success they were looking for.

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