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I CAN'T BE BOTHERED WITH HEAVEN

I can't bother myself with the Heaven's
It's logic is too great for me
I can only commit to the life that I'm given
And trust that It hears my pleas

If I place my thoughts of my future
Solidly in Your hands
Then I cannot be bothered with the thoughts of Heaven
Because I cannot understand

I can't understand why You love me
Or the blessings You've sent my way

All the times that I thought of disaster
And somehow my fortune was saved

When selfishness, jealousy, anger
Or fear had taken root in my heart
And I turned on the world with intention
Letting greed give my malice a start

When I've hurt those who are around me
And taken their love for a jest
And made up new rules for existence
That assured I always got the best.

And when guilt who was running beside
Finally tripped me and showed me it's face
And I buried myself in denial
Taking anything to take me away

But I prayed when my soul got tired
In the night with no one around
And the pleas of a shattered existence
Screamed without making a sound

When the world could have taken my freedom
Or my money, possessions or fight
And I would have to give it up knowing
That given my past, it was right

You let open the doors of my freedom
With no explanation for why
A stranger would come to my rescue
Who would tell me "give thanks to the sky"

They would tell me "you are blessed
That he led me to you you're aware.
It's the light in my soul from God
That told me to be here to care".

And when everyone else had walked away
And my chances had run out
This angel you sent with this message
That my faith should still hold stout

Because courage was tucked underneath my conviction
Which was covered over by conscience and doubt
And the only thing that my weak soul could muster
Was the courage to stand and face a new route.

Then the veil on my eyes was lifted.
Now I wait for a gentle breeze
To carry away the clouds
That my deep rooted fear holds dear

And while I stand inside this turmoil
And quietly look at life
I know that I wouldn't be here
Or would have released some strife

Beginning to see the rescue
From the place I was in neck high
If there weren't something more to Heaven
If my faith was just a lie.

It only makes sense to my senses
I'm still here for a reason today
And that Heaven is real and I'll see it
No matter what else comes my way.

So the fact that I see what had once left my soul
And that beyond all hope I still feel a belief
And that faith is the answer that I never looked for
Is the reason that ignorance is such a relief.

I can't bother myself with the Heaven's
My rescue is still taking form
I would rather just know that wherever I go
There's an ending to every storm

And that all of this consistent constancy
Is not random movements of fate
That the regeneration of hope
Always comes and never too late

Points forward along with all we aspire and can only mean one thing
There's more to life beyond the suffering that this finite life can bring,

Learn more about this author, Crystal Martinez.
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