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I am a divorced mother with two sons. (I have changed their names here to protect the innocent; namely, me.) They both have behavior problems caused by atypically wired brains. Aspergers Syndrome is a diagnosis syndrome on the Autistic Spectrum. Individuals with Aspergers generally have higher IQs (especially verbal) than neuro-typical people, are socially isolated and behave more eccentrically than typical members of the population. I remember having a conversation about genetics with my older son, Jason, when he was in second grade. Two years later, his fourth grade teacher told me how Jason explained why money was necessary and how it developed. My younger son, William and could read around the age of two, and was reading chapter books by first grade.

Just as a blind person cannot tell what obstacles are in their path simply by looking, a person struggling with Asperger's Syndrome cannot tell how another person is feeling by observing body language, facial expressions or tone of voice. The problem is, that since individuals with Asperger's tend to "sound" mature and accomplished typical people expect more functional behavior from them than they are capable of.

Both of my children have been diagnosed with I've had the dubious pleasure of learning how to deal with explosive behavior, calling the police on my children, and arranging for residential treatment and hospitalizations. Once, they were even ejected from an airplane because of their disruptive behavior. On one occasion, my youngest son, William, shoved a shopping cart into a woman at the grocery store. I imposed house arrest on us because I couldn't even guarantee the safety of other people and I couldn't think of anything else to do.

Someone told me once that I reminded them of the Energizer Bunny because I kept going and going and going.

I've tried various parenting techniques, read books and taken as many classes as I can get my hands on. I've paid thousands of dollars on therapy and single handedly kept my local pharmacy in business. I militantly enforced early bedtimes, denied video games entry into my house, and actively suppressed "fighty" shows like Pokemon and Power Rangers. In spite of the fact that snowballs were still melting in hell, in 2005, I let Jason go live with his father.

My ex-husband, Michael, proceeded to disregard all the special-education services that I had fought so hard arrange for Jason. Jason had told Michael that the special education services were actually holding him back, not helping. Michael tried to reassure me, "It's going to be okay. I've explained to Jason that he can't do those things anymore, and he understands that." I was flabbergasted! I wish that I had thought of explaining which behavior was acceptable.

That fall, an older boy attacked Jason with a big branch at the bus stop. I was livid. I wanted that horrible, big, bad, mean kid arrested, prosecuted and, with luck, hung by his toes. I think that boy now has a juvenile record, is doing community service, and participated in a program called Teen Jury.

The following January, Jason started hitting a girl in his classroom because she was looking at him. (How he knew that when she was sitting at the back of the classroom while he was in the front, I'll never know. I always thought that people couldn't grow eyes in the back of their heads until they had children.) It took three adults, including one police officer to get him under control.

Now, I learned early on that Jason's neurological problems make him susceptible to making poor decisions. The lack of emotional and behavioral supports within the school certainly exacerbated this vulnerability, but he can't use that as an excuse. He has to learn how to compensate with that vulnerability. It broke my heart, but if it was correct for that horrible, big, bad, mean kid to suffer the consequences for attacking Jason, then it was correct, essential even, that Jason suffer those same consequences. Jason now has a juvenile record. He performed community service, and participated in Teen Jury. The penal code in North Carolina does not provide for toe hanging.

Teen Jury required that Jason research and write a paper about Asperger's Syndrome . One day he called me on the phone and said, "Mom, did you know that get mad really easy and have a hard time making friends?" I was flabbergasted! I wish someone had told me that earlier.

I always wanted to be a patient mother. Be careful what you wish for. I didn't get to wake up one day and know that I was patient. Oh no, I had to learn patience from being a mother to my children. I joke about how my children have aged me prematurely (I think I'm 98 years old now) and that they are nuts. The truth is that I can't imagine life without them, and I'm grateful (most) everyday for all I have.

Mayo Clinic Asperger's Syndrome

Education, Autism & Asperger's Syndrome

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