It wasn't supposed to happen, I was supposed to have 3 children. I remember the day like it was yesterday and it was 10 years ago.

I walked into the Doctors office for my usual monthly check up. These were always exciting, I would hear my baby today! I loved feeling the movements and hearing the heart beat, that just tied it all in. This little person growing inside of me who was already keeping me up with little feet jabbed into my rib cage, but it didn't matter...

Was this a boy or another beautiful little girl?
would this one have red hair like me?
Or blue eyes like dad?

So, as I sat in the cold office and waited to be called all of these thoughts raced in my mind as they usually did on my visits. I had just bought clothes, blankets and booties, the time was getting near, I was feeling big and round.

The Nurse finally came in and called my name so I stood and walked straight to the scale which I dreaded, I followed the usual routine of measurements and such.

The doctor finally came in, this made me more excited because I knew he would reach right for the Doppler, he didn't waste any time as he placed the cold wet jelly, on my belly and began moving it around, we talked, How are you feeling? "fine", I said.
Has the baby been moving? "Yes", I said although not much today he/she had a rough night.

By now he would have the sound of a horse race stampeding through the room full blast for all to hear, he pressed harder into my swollen belly, and moved all around, I asked what was the matter he said don't worry, baby is probably just hiding. But then something came over me, the eerie silence of the room, I began to shake uncontrollably, another doctor came in, and they whispered, he said to me, we are going to have to send you to the hospital, right now...

My husband was speechless, I was in tears, He said to me I will meet you there.
The hospital and his office connected through a long narrow hallway, the entire walk there is a fog to me, I must have been completely in shock.
A nurse was waiting for me on the other side, what should have been a time of Joy and excitement had a Morbid feeling to it, I was going through the motions but wasn't really there, people were talking to me I was nodding but I couldn't hear.

When the Doctor finally came in and explained to me that he would have to induce labor, and that the baby had no heart beat, and a flat-line on the monitor, I still didn't want to accept it.
He said it would take about

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