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Humor: Finding bugs in the house

I've never been the frail, girly-type when it comes to insects. Spiders don't frighten me, cockroaches don't make me scream. But the one thing I cannot-I repeat, CANNOT-handle is June bugs. They're like little demons on a search and destroy mission, and nothing, not even a full can of Raid, can dissuade them from their purpose without their permission.

Up until I got married and moved into a little house in the countryside, I'd only heard my mom talk about June bugs. I'd never seen even a photograph of one, so in my little mind, June bugs sounded friendly, cute even. Oh, ignorance is bliss!

It was, of course, the middle of the month of June, when I first realized there was a war going on upon my front porch. I was sitting in my favorite chair, my feet resting on the railing, watching the sun go down. I had just successfully unpacked what seemed like a hundred boxes and organized my cupboards. Feeling a sense of accomplishment and pride, I was rewarding myself for a hard day's work. Even as the sun sunk below the tree tops and darkness crept in around me, I felt safe and happy.

And then the motion-sensor porch light came on.

Almost instantaneously, I was surrounded. Everywhere I looked, mosquitos, moths, and gnats hovered in thick clouds.

That wasn't so bad, I thought. Just apply a good coating of OFF! to myself and I could still sit undisturbed in the twilight. I did so. As I returned to my chair, I sensed that all was not right with the world. There was a buzzing coming from a bush a short distance away. It has been my experience that anything that emits such a loud buzzing cannot be particularly pleasant to encounter.

I assumed a defensive position.

The buzzing grew louder.

Something that felt like a small rock hit the side of my head. The insects were launching an attack.

My hand flew to my hair out of reflex, and my fingers closed around a hard, wiggling object. After extracting it from my curls, I examined it closely. This must be the insect army's heavy artillery, I thought.

It was thick and dense, with a slightly greenish covering. It was, in fact, the size of a small rock, the kind you'd gravel a driveway with. I felt no fear at that point, just an insatiable curiousity for the creature. It sat quite calmly in the palm of my hand, occasionally stretching its wings and allowing me a better look at it. Underneath the greenish wings was more green. It had short, fuzzy antennae on its tiny head, colored bright orange. I poked it to turn it over. Its belly was orange


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Humor: Finding bugs in the house

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Humor: Finding bugs in the house

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