Depression

The disease of depression frightens me more than the disease of cancer. Everyone is terrified of cancer. How many fear depression?
With depression, nothing is certain. You have more options. You can travel further down the road to despair. You are in the driver's seat. Others may give instruction, but you are not compelled to follow.
You can take a detour to God knows where. You can turn back. Anyway, you will go down that unknown road again.
You may be well on the road without even being aware of it. Until some familiar landscape jolts your memory. Don't worry about the jolt, you need it. Then you can recover. What a painful process.
These are mere mortals who don't understand a word. Your throat will hurt. A lump has wedged in it. It won't move, up or down. It is large. The size of a coconut.
You went without eating and now, you can't swallow. If all your favorite food were placed in front of you, you wouldn't be able to swallow. You stopped talking to everyone but yourself and now, you can't speak.
Don't pretend to know what I am feeling, when it is so evident, that you don't. Don't lie to me. I need a friend. Friendship is based on trust. Above all, don't patronize me.
I am an individual. Different from you. I breathe. I bleed. I feel. I think. For this one moment, I slipped into a private hell. I alone, will pay for my mistake. But, you can not set the price.
Pity you couldn't be here and feel with me. But, you would be terrified. You might not make the journey back to safety.

Learn more about this author, Nadine Mcmullin.
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