"Sleep paralysis," the first time I heard that phrase my ears pricked up. I was watching a popular daytime talk show. The topic of the day was sleep disorders and they now had my full attention. Could this be the answer to my personal mystery? "Oh we all know about sleep paralysis, don't we?" asked the famous tv host to her audience, who were all nodding their heads knowingly, she turned back to her guest, "Tell us more about night terrors" "NO!" I practically shouted at the telly, "I don't know about sleep paralysis!"

Since my teenage years I had been waking at night, unable to move, terrified, trying to scream, only it felt like my throat was paralysed too. Sometimes I would see a light on the wall. The light would grow larger as it sucked the energy from my body is this what it's like to die? Sometimes I would wake and see a dark figure standing over me next to my bed. He was there to do me harm I could sense it. Sometimes it felt like someone was on top of me bearing down till I could no longer breathe. Some nights I would see things I cannot even explain creatures, I remember one being kind of like a giant grasshopper person! Once I felt someone sit down on the bed next to me, I felt the side of the bed go down as they sat. Sometimes I did not see anything, but each time it happened I could not move, could not make a sound, and was absolutely terrified. Was I going crazy? It didn't happen all the time. But sometimes it would happen twice in one night. I never told anyone about it. That was until I got married. I confided in my then husband and of course he had all the answers. It was alien abductions. It was evil spirits. I must admit I had thought of these things myself but disregarded them because, well, I guess that would just be too awful to believe, or too crazy.

When I turned thirty I got my first computer. As soon as I had internet access my first search was "sleep paralysis, the phrase that had stayed in my mind. What a revelation! That was me! I read articles from other people all with similar experiences. I finally had an explanation. Admittedly by the time I turned thirty these episodes were less common, thankfully, but still happening. I have had about 4 or 5 episodes since learning about sleep paralysis, but I can now think logically through it. It is still scary but not terrifying anymore. I never knew when an episode was going to happen, there's no warning, but I can now control how I react when it does happen. Instead of panicking I stay calm and wait for it to pass. I have read that trying to wiggle a finger during an episode may help but have found for me it's not that effective.

I now speak openly to people about my experiences. I have not personally come across anyone who has heard of sleep paralysis let alone experienced it, although my daughter told me she had an episode last year. She knew of my experiences and so had an idea of what was happening to her, but says she still found it to be a scary experience. I am now in my forties and have not had an episode for about ten years. I wish I had of heard about sleep paralysis earlier in life, it would have explained so much. Learning about sleep paralysis was my treatment. For me knowledge truly was power.

Learn more about this author, Julie McKee.
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