1 of 2

Write now Article Tools

"Juicy Justice"

"I find myself in a most uncomfortable situation" mused the Rex to the court. "This is the fourth case to come before me this afternoon and, as with the previous cases, I find myself compelled to deliver the full force of Her Majesty's justice. However, and I say this with a heavy heart and a trace of embarrassment, I find myself unable to fulfil this duty."

An oppressive hush descended on the court, nervous glances were exchanged between the two sets of lawyers arguing the case and a clued-up journalist made a swift exit from the public gallery, his panicked footsteps echoing through the specially enlarged room. A tear rolled down the grizzled face of the judge as he sat contemplating, his stunted forearms twitching and rubbing together anxiously. Stunned at the sight of its friend and colleague breaking down in the middle of an appeal, the Cluck of the Court flapped erratically from its desk and, with a dignified harrumph', perched on the judge's mighty nose. Peering short-sightedly over its glasses, the bearded, though a-sexual, fowl opened its beak to speak, but stopped dead when it spotted a complex system of pumps and pressure reservoirs apparently super-glued to either side of the judge's head.

"Good Cluck, is my tear-generator conveying a proper sense of dismay at my predicament?" rumbled Lord Justice Rex in a spirited but futile attempt at whispering.

"An ingenious notion judge" spat the ridiculous creature in a falsetto scream. "But I fear it is simply confusing the court. A judge, especially one of your seniority, must distance himself from the case at hand and deliver impartial and reasoned judgements."

The Rex sighed and swished his mighty tail before unleashing a sneeze which would have put little boy to shame and which sent his tear generator whistling across the court. Scrabbling frantically with his forearms the Rex desperately tried to dislodge the errant feather.

"Allow me" screeched the Cluck of the Court, picking up the learned judge's pointer and removing the offending article.

"This will NOT DO" roared the judge, batting the Cluck of the Court to one side with an alarmingly co-ordinated swipe of one of his forearms. "My devotion to the law has caused me to feast on too much justice in one day and I am full to bursting point. I have been instructed to avoid delivering my brand of justice in all but the most heinous of cases yet I find myself unable to reign in my judicial instincts and I shall not be forced to pander to the wishes

• 1
• 2
• next page >>

Add your voice

Know something about Satire: Legal matters?
We want to hear your view. Write now!