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Think of the DH as the stunt double for pitchers. Nobody wants to see Angelina Jolie get mangled by crocodiles on the set of Tomb Raider 3. So, the director yells "cut" and trots out a dude in the wig to take care of business.

And, that's what the DH is -a stunt double for pitchers so they don't get mangled by other pitchers. Do you really want to see Dan Haren step in the box with that lifetime .075

batting average? I don't either. I've had enough of watching pitchers (who have 4 days off a week to practice hitting) go up to the plate and take three meaningless hacks and walk back to the dugout with their tails between their legs. It's too painful to watch.

Consider these stats: as of today, the ERA leaders in the National League are Chris Young, Brad Penny, Jake Peavy, Sergio Mitre, and John Smoltz. Their batting averages are respectively .102, .152, .161, .169, .165.

So, I ask you, why must we continue the charade? Pitchers don't give a rip about hitting. They pine for the A.L. where burly stunt hitters save them from embarrassment. This is why I'm for the DH. Let's keep the DH for the pitchers, whose fragile egos hang in the balance. Let's keep the DH for the children, who shouldn't be exposed to the obscene plate appearances of the average pitcher. And, let's keep it for Angelina Jolie's stunt double, who wouldn't have wanted to die in vain.

Carry on, Citizens!

Learn more about this author, Jeff Stanger.
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