by Elaine Sihera

Created on: July 22, 2007

Sometimes, for one reason or another, whether hormonal, through illness or through anger, one partner goes off sex while living with a healthy spouse who still values a good sex life. It is highly unreasonable, selfish and cruel in some instances, to expect that partner to do without sex simply because we have gone off it or choose to use it as a weapon against them. That is a disaster waiting to happen. No healthy person can be expected to go without sex as an imposition for the rest of their life, or for very long periods in a relationship. Sooner or later, that partner will look elsewhere. In fact, an affair is inevitable to satisfy that pressing need, unless the parties involved can come to some arrangement for sexual satisfaction through some other means.

The basis of attraction is sex. In the heady days of romance, there is a lot of it. In years to follow, sex dominates and will continue like that until both parties call a halt. It is therefore unreasonable to expect a normal' relationship to function without sex simply because one party does not care for it, or wishes to deny it for any reason. Denying sex and expecting partners to simply accept it, without discussing options for their comfort, stems from a lack of respect, or a desire to control or punish them by withdrawing affection. No relationship like this can hope to have a future.

In fact, all the latest research points to sex being very good for your health and an active sex life is said to be "crucial to feeling great and staying healthy in old age", according to Intimate Relations: Living and Loving in Later Life, published in 2004 by the charity, Age Concern. Author Sarah Brewer, a GP, argues that sex helps to reduce stress, leads to greater contentment and better sleeping patterns. "Sex is often a taboo subject in later life, but physical intimacy doesn't fizzle out and disappear as you get older," she says. "When you enjoy a rewarding and regular sex life, all aspects of life, including the enormous range of benefits to your health, tend to take on a rosier hue."

The book says having sex and doing exercise are crucial to feeling good as you get older. Dr Brewer adds that, while exercise would burn fat and help prevent heart disease, having sex is the key to real health benefits because sex causes the brain to release endorphins naturally occurring chemicals that act as painkillers and reduce anxiety. Research has also shown that sex prompts the release of substances that bolster the immune

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