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Who could stop at ten? Here's twenty!

1.) You wanna talk to my manager? I wanna talk to your owner!

2.) Lady, I'll cut my hair when you shave your moustache.

3.) You're calling *ME* slow?! Your little bundle of joy just put his sippy cup up his nose, and ate a booger!

4.) I'm sorry, sir. I didn't mean to offend your sense of entitlement.

5.) You've been waiting for your steak for over 20 minutes? I'm terribly sorry. I assumed with all your belching and flatulence thay you'd already eaten.

6.) Right. That's 1 large pepperoni and 1 large extra cheese? Just trying to get your order right, that's all - no need to yell. We'll get it to you as quickly as possible. No, he's not a moron; he's a very safe driver. So, that's 1234 Main Street? Right. Which cell block?

7.) Get off my ass and get you a pack of Trojans? Right, away! But if you ask me, someone's a generation too late.

8.) Whew! It's not the service that stinks around here!

9.) I'm sorry to inconvenience you, your prescription will be ready soon. No, no. Well, the pharmacist has a lot of them to fill today. No...no...I'm sorry you feel that way. I can ring up what you have now, while you wait. Ahh. I'm guessing the aspirin is for your spouse?

10.) Yes, sir, I am an idiot sir. I'll not question your authority and expertise again. Oh, pardon me, but you have some ketchup on your Acme Waste Management nametag.

11.) I look like a damned hippy with my long hair? Mister, that's none of your business. Ohhhh..."Mrs"! Sorry, it won't happen again... ...Sinead!

12.) How many times do you have to repeat yourself? Hey - this conversation is no picnic for me either! Tic Tac?

13.) If you had your way, I'd be fired? I have to check ALL i.d.'s sir. Seems if you had your way, they'd offer Marlboros in grade school cafeterias!

14.) I'm totally missing the point? Well, gee, let me touch the top of your head!

15.) How'd an idiot like me get a job? I don't know, I guess yours was the only other resume in the pile!

16.) I'd like to help you, ma'am, but this is a salon. They sell paper bags two stores down.

17.) I can help you by getting the hell out of your way? Yes, sir. Just gimme a coupl'a minutes to run to your other side.

18.) Sorry, sir, my "lazy ass" is on lunch. Now, wouldja mind heading downwind so I can keep it down?

19.) What was I thinking? I don't know, sir. What were YOU drinking?!

20.) Why do you get stuck with the assholes? Believe me, I'm asking myself the same question.

Learn more about this author, Stanley W. Shura.
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