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On Turning 40, or The Parable of the Bamboo
I'm going to be 40 soon. Never mind how soon, just know it's soon enough. I find myself in the same pitfalls as, I suspect everyone else in my position: Did I make the right decisions? Where do I go from here? Could've. Would've. Should've. As a woman, I throw in a few extras: If something happens, can I take care of myself? What about my parents? Did I hit the snooze bar on my biological clock once too often?

The list goes on. Granted, today isn't that much different from a year ago, but along with 18, 21 and 30, 40 is a big "landmark" birthday. The difference with 40 is, we look at ourselves at the midpoint of our lives. Playtime is over, we remind ourselves. Now we start looking/acting/sounding like our parents. The amount of trauma of this realization brings is intimately related to how our first 40 years went. Regardless of how we actually did, we tend to be merciless in our recollections. We conveniently forget that we now have the luxury of wisdom, experience and hindsight, which is a damn sight better than 20/20. Now we know the fates of our failed relationships, poor career choices and other "sure things." It's easy now to look back and berate ourselves because we didn't get in on the Microsoft IPO, or save that autographed Wayne Gretzky rookie card. We look around at our "smarter," "more accomplished" contemporaries. We look at the younger generation and compare them to us when we were younger. You don't have to admit it to me, but you know you think about it. Never mind what private hells they have inside, no one can tell you that you're doing just fine.
The truth of the matter is, we are doing, if not just fine, the best we can in imperfect circumstances and with limited information. At least the fact that we look back gives us the guidance for the journey ahead. OK, so you goofed in a marriage, or two, or three. Acknowledge the fact that you can't keep hooking up with carbon copies of the jerk you dated in high school, take some time off from the relationship-go-round and do better next time. Look around. Maybe paying the homeowner's insurance, while not nearly as fun as a wide-screen HDTV, wouldn't be out of place up at the top of your things-to-do list.
Well, as the old saying goes, while the unexamined life may not be worth living, it can be a hell of a lot easier, but only in the beginning. I was reading a book on happiness when I came upon an important idea: We do the things that don't necessarily make us happy now (like going to work every day, chores around the house, and so on) so we can give the results (a paycheck, a clean house) to the "us" of the future. Acting on the things we don't like now can make our future birthdays that much better.
Oh, I promised you a parable, didn't I.
I was once gifted with a bamboo plant (for opening up a business, long since failed). As time wore on and my situation changed, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse, the bamboo started to die. Not that I wanted it to die, it was a gift from a beloved uncle, but I couldn't always give it the sun it needed. My cat thought it was tasty, too. Eventually, it became not much more than a stick in the sand. I wanted to give it one more shot, though. I gave it some water, put it outside and waited. The other day, I saw the first shoots come out of that main stalk.
I guess it's never too late in the year for spring.

Learn more about this author, Nunzia Falcone.
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