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Living with regrets after losing a loved one

by Molly Jasinsky

Created on: July 21, 2007

My father suffered with heart problems for nearly 25 years when his heart finally gave out and he died peacefully while sitting and having a cup of coffee. At the time my husband, my son, and I were living half-way across the country and I got the news over the phone from my mother. We had moved when my son was only a year old, and he was now eight. Money matters made it difficult for us to fly back east very often, so we were only able to visit my parents several times in the years since we had left. As a result, my biggest regret upon losing my father was that my son had not gotten a chance to spend much time with his grandfather.

When I was growing up we only ever lived a few hours away from both sets of grandparents, so we got to visit them fairly often. I lost two of my grandparents when I was in my teens, and then the other two when I was in my twenties. So I feel that I got a decent chance to get to know them all and have sufficient memories of them. Aside from talking on the telephone, the only time my son got to spend with my father (since he was old enough to remember) were three trips we made to visit my parents. A lot of the tears that I wept after my dad died were shed over how little my son got to know his grandpa, and how little my father got to know his grandson-both very special people.

Sadly, within a year after my father died, my husband died of cancer. My husband was already sick when my father died, and when Dad died I silently made a decision that I followed through with after my husband died. We moved back east to live close to my mother. I did not want my son to go through life not getting a chance to know his grandparents. Because we are nearby we see my mother regularly, and once a year we make a seven hour trip to see my husband's parents who are elderly and cannot make the trip to visit us. My son has gotten a chance to know his other three grandparents, and they him-no regrets now.

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