by Tom Koecke

Created on: July 19, 2007   Last Updated: October 22, 2008

For many, many years, I lived with the belief that if everybody else in the world would conform only to my standards, then that elusive peace and happiness I sought would come to fruition. My unresolved issues had accumulated to the toppling point, exponentially intensifying with increased frequency and duration, my feelings of both desolation and despair. My set of friends was nearly empty, and I was questioning whether or not I even liked myself.

One day, out of nowhere, a package arrived addressed to me. In it was a box, and a simple, unsigned note saying only "I hope this helps you." Inside the box was an assortment of books, tapes, and videos. The topics varied, but the common theme was 'taking responsibility for my own feelings and actions.'

My initial tap on the medial ligament was one of indignation and insult. I asked myself: "Who would dare to send me this ilk of propaganda?" However, after my foot returned to its relaxed position, I started thinking about it differently. I then asked myself: "Was this assembled and parceled by somebody who truly cares about me?"

There would be no risk involved in giving the contents of the box some consideration, and so I did.

I was simply amazed at the information contained in those books, tapes, and videos! The wealth of knowledge delivered to me in the box, accompanied by that simple anonymous note, was just what I needed to get started!

I studied it all, and reviewed several of the items for clarity and inspiration. I learned that if I were to look deeply inside myself, down to the very core of my being, I would find MY FAULTS that were causing MY PROBLEMS. I also learned that RECOGNITION OF MY FAULTS were the SOLUTIONS TO MY PROBLEMS.

The very thought of going that deeply inside myself was frightening to me. I was scaring myself from this examination of my inner-self. Everything I had learned from those sources promised me resolution, but that there would also be pain in the process.

I started slowly and stayed shallow. I realized that the hole in my wall was MY FAULT for becoming angry at SOMETHING OUT OF MY CONTROL and punching the wall - ouch. When I went a bit deeper, I realized that the lack of progress in my career was MY FAULT because my boss was RIGHTFULLY CONCERNED ABOUT MY ABILITY to supervise my peers - double ouch! If that weren't enough, I realized that MY TENUOUS RELATIONSHIP with MY SISTER was MY FAULT for envisioning HER CONCERN as nosiness - double ouch(cubed); that one really hurt.

I felt the need

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