by Selina J

Created on: July 19, 2007   Last Updated: January 08, 2008

Every man is different - what might please one man may actually offend another. So the key to pleasing your man is knowing YOUR man, understanding his wants and desires (which may surprise you).

Communication is very important. You need to learn the way that he wants to - needs to - be loved, as described by Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages: Quality Time (spending time with him, going on dates, talking), Words of Affirmation (praising him, complimenting his appearance), Physical Touch (a massage, holding hands, and of course sex), Gift Giving (giving him thoughtful presents), or Acts of Service (packing him lunch, making sure he has clean underwear). (See Chapman's book for much more detail on each of these areas.)

If you are at a stage where your relationship seems stagnant, or he seems constantly displeased with you, try to recall your actions when things were going well. Were you more affectionate toward him then? Did you compliment him a lot? Go out together often at night, or go on trips? Were you more sexual toward him? What has changed?

Figuring out the way he needs to be loved will please him, and he will (more likely than not) reciprocate. Talk about these things and you will eventually figure out many ways to please your man. If he is not a talker, or if he is unsure of his love language, try doing things in each of the languages and watch his reactions. Try to focus on one area for a week or so, and keep track of his responses.

Here are some further suggestions for each language:
Quality Time: sit down together - TV off - and just talk; take a walk together; ask him out to dinner; take a weekend trip
Words of Affirmation: compliment something that you truly like about his appearance (be sincere); react positively when he does something well - even something small; recognize/thank him for doing things ("I appreciate you taking out the trash..."); write him a love note and leave it on the bathroom mirror
Physical Touch: give him a big hug when you see him; cuddle with him while watching a movie; brush up against him when you pass him in the hallway
Gift Giving: make something for him that is meaningful, perhaps with pictures; ask his mom what his favorite childhood book was and give it to him
Acts of Service: wash his car; mow the lawn; make him his favorite meal

Showing him love the way he understands love will make him very pleased. See Gary Chapman's book for further information.

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