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The loss of a person, whether friend or foe can be the most confusing, painful emotional roller coaster ever experienced in the human realm. My first bout of grief came in September 1988, when upon answering my phone, a voice from my past declared she was my long lost birth aunt. What should have been an exciting experience turned grim quickly, when I inquired why she and not my birth mother was calling me. Then came the shattering revelation. My mother had been killed in April of the same year by an estranged husband.

I wasn't expecting the devastation of such news, as I had vowed since childhood that I NEVER wanted to be associated in anyway to the woman who neglected, abused and abandoned me in my youth. How could this happen? Why would I be sad for what I thought until that moment to be a pathetic excuse for a human, never mind mother.

It took quite some time to work through all the emotions and degrees of grief experienced. Even requiring professional assistance to resolve and find peace with this loss. I sought to self-medicate with anti depression medication and alcohol, neither helped me find the serenity I searched desperately for.

With time I mended, and I think of her often, calling on her to stand by me when no human force seems strong enough to endure life's struggles. Occasionally I will feel her presence around me with a sense of forgiveness and calm. Oftentimes I will get some small sign to let me know she's there.

My second bout with grief came in November 2004, when I received news that my ex-husband passed. He had been suffering from a painful illness, and knew his life expectancy was limited. It seemed that he knew the end was nearing. On Thanksgiving he called to thank the boys' step-father for taking such good care of his sons' and apologized for all the pain he had caused.

Again, after a few years of conflict, sadness was the last emotion I ever imagined feeling at his passing. I had dreamt of the happiness it would cause. What I didn't expect was that peace would be made prior to his passing over to the other side.

The boys have been well cared for since. We've monitored them closely, and at the first signs of grief, enrolled them with a local hospice group, where they could connect with other children facing such an extreme loss so early in their lives.

Once peace is made, I can assure that your heart will open, heal. All of the bad memories can be washed away, and you can look upon your life experience in a new light, appreciating the good, forgiving the bad.

Whether the loss is of a friend or foe, you can expect to grieve. Remember no one is without flaws, but every one of us has touched another soul and deserves to be remembered. We still release a balloon or light a candle for those souls we've lost on days of rememberance.

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