by JoAnn Wilson

Created on: July 17, 2007

Social Anxiety Disorder is just a fancy term for someone who is shy and quiet. WRONG! Social anxiety disorder is not about being shy or quiet. I have suffered from this since before I was in my teens. During school I was known as the quiet one'. It made me a prime target for bullies as I would not defend myself. For years I felt like I was a freak and that I was not normal. I would literally have a nervous breakdown at the thought of having to interact with others. Eventually I became afraid of leaving the safety of my house.

My boyfriend forced me to the doctors and I was given the diagnosis, Social Anxiety Disorder. I was only a month away from my 21st birthday. I was put on anti-depressants and referred to a psychologist. The thought of all those appointments I had to attend to treat this left me terrified. Suddenly my life was even more scary than it was before I was diagnosed.

For the first 7 months nothing worked. I resorted to self harm in a desperate attempt to take the pain away. I was misunderstood. People who saw my scars assumed I was attention seeking or suicidal. I was neither. I felt trapped inside my own body and cutting myself made me feel better for a very short time. The consequences of the self harming made my condition much worse.

The first appointment with the psychologist was a disaster. I tried to open up, to get something out of the session, to maybe understand why I was the way I was. At the end of the 1 hour session she told me You didn't do a good job today. You must try harder next week.' I left the room in tears as it had took a lot of mental strength to attend the appointment in the first place and to be told it was for nothing. My doctor, who was very understanding, decided to refer me to a psychiatrist instead. Within 2 weeks I had an appointment. My medication was changed and I could start to see a difference in myself. It was the start of a very long roller-coaster ride.

It has been 2 years since I was diagnosed and although I still have bad days, I am on the road to recovery now. I have not self harmed in a year and I intend to keep it that way. I still take anti-depressants and see my psychiatrist every month. I am looking for part-time work and I am getting married July 2008 to my boyfriend of 4 years. Without his constant support I dread to think where I would be right now.

Although my life is starting to look up a lot I am aware that Social Anxiety Disorder is still a part of my life and probably will be for many years to come. For anyone who has just been diagnosed or think they may be a sufferer, do not give up. Take it one day at a time and there will be light at the end of the tunnel.

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