1 of 9

Write now Article Tools

Page 2 of 2

used to be depressed. Now thanks to Zoloft, he's a sweaty, twitchy, cranky, insomniac. He tries not to focus on it, inasmuch as he spends most of his time trotting to and from the bathroom. Due to his frequent diarrhea and loss of appetite, "he's lost much more weight than Jarred."

Viagra is used to treat a different type of depression. I think the side effect I'm most impressed with is "bluish vision." If they could just tweak that a little to make it purple - well, I don't have to tell you how many Jimmy Hendrix/Viagra jokes we can expect on late night TV.

When I'm really bored, I like to make up drug commercials of my own:

"Hi, we're the Johnson's. Ever since our little Betty Lynn started taking Zerpitol for her nervous tick, we've noticed a vast improvement. Sure it took us a little while to get used to the fact that for no apparent reason, she yells out state capitals. And, her pinkie toes are unusually large. But hey, it's a small price to play for us to be a family again."

"Hi I'm Ned Hannerhan of Skokie. I've been taking Growitol for my receding hairline. My new hair makes me look 10 years younger! One side effect I've noticed is that I've grown a beard on my kneecaps. Also, I often have the urge to read Daniel Steele novels and stutter in Portuguese. My wife doesn't mind the Portuguese so much, but she won't let me wear shorts."

So, I'm anxiously awaiting a major drug company ad writing contract. In the meantime, I'll continue to take my blood pressure medicine. It works great! The only side effects are the excessive use of adverbs and the overwhelming desire to teach parrots "Take Me Out to the Ballgame."

Carry on, Citizens!

Learn more about this author, Jeff Stanger.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

• << previous page
• 1
• 2

Add your voice

Know something about Humor: Side effects from prescription drugs?
We want to hear your view. Write now!