I always hear of people 'wearing their heart on their sleeve', often this is followed by tales of sadness, angst and ultimately abjection of the soul. I imagine this is common condition for those who decide to 'wear their heart on their sleeve'...complete desolation and loneliness. There are a few things that have always puzzed me about this though. Is the heart worn on a long or short sleeve? If it is a long sleeve, when the weather is a bit warmer and the person in question reverts to short sleeve, is the heart worn elsewhere like the thigh or under the arm? What about during the winter? Is the heart less effective beneath a kagool or well insulated jacket? I personally think the most sensible people are those who keep their heart in a more practical place, for example in a padlocked briefcase or handbag.I suppose 'wearing your heart on your bumbag' doesnt seem to have quite the same ring to it though.

I dont even bother taking my heart out with me unless its a special occasion (the last time you caught me sporting a heart was at my Uncles wedding. Almost left it in a taxi. Waste of time in the end anyway because they divorced after three months). I suppose thats why people say Im 'cold' or 'not amazingly compassionate'. Ive had friends try and pass it off as an 'endearing quality' before but I suppose Ive passed them off as 'lying bastards' before so its all fair. Theyre only being considerate. After all, theyre all settling down and getting married. I cant see that happening for me anytime soon though. My Mother is even getting in on the act, asking about my love life and if a women has ever stolen my heart. Stolen my heart? You cant trust a person whos readily willing to steal an internal organ. I dont want to wake up on my wedding day and find out Im down two kidneys. That wouldnt be convenient for anyone.

And they wonder why I leave my heart at home...

Learn more about this author, Patrick Larkin.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

---

Add your voice

Know something about Humor: Romance?
We want to hear your view. Write now!