by Peggy Molloy

Created on: July 15, 2007   Last Updated: January 02, 2011

Statistics bear up to the notion that when people live together, they very often will split up relatively soon, once they are married. There are no guarantees with humans.

We use a different set of criteria for marriage, usually higher, than we do for dating, which can lead to the sexual-convenience and help-with-rent factors, involved with living together.

The person we need to love is ourselves. The effort we need to put forth in our relationships with others is our best, especially those we have sexual encounters with.

I will not live with a man (I'm a heterosexual femme) unless we are married.
I will date, I will engage in intimacy if I believe I can trust him to be honest with me, & and we are in a monogamous relationship, but I will not do his laundry, take phone messages from his mother, or shop for the groceries. How many times does the woman not only offer sexual services, but household chores as well...There is an open market for such tasks you know, and if he won't get you a ring, and marry you,then my friend, you are being underpaid,underemployed and dis-respected.

If you hit the sack too soon, all the other multiple ways people need to relate well to one another for a successful marriage, hit the garbage bag.

I have no advice for anyone because I have made so many mistakes, and I have learned the traditional methods for marriage, dating, and intimacy are more important than my generation from the sixties, had wanted to comprehend. We threw out the baby with the bath water I'm afraid, and there aren't enough self-help books on the market to change all the societal damage done. Example: if I had had a year long engagement period, I could have saved myself six years of a very unhappy marriage. I would have learned in that year, this person cannot possibly live up to my standards for a mate.
No, I will not lower my standards to "have a man"....

The very least we can do is set an example by how we live our own lives now, and discuss these situations with women who might want to hear us. Our popular culture is woefully dedicated to dummying us down, so I urge caution when watching our media regarding how to manage or "un-manage" our personal relationships, friendships, and work situations, most importantly, do not allow your intuition and self-respect be undermined.

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