There are days when I feel like I'm carrying a heavy weight on my shoulders, and I find myself sighing deeply and unhappily. There are days when I don't want to get out of bed, but want to remain under the comfort of my covers. Those are just a few of the symptoms I have in my struggles with the illness known as Depression.

I had felt that way for some time, but I didn't know it was Depression. All I knew is that I often felt angry and edgy about things. I often get a sense of futility or hopelessness. Sometimes on breaks or lunch from work, I'd go into my car and start crying for no reason, as the trail of tears would splash down my cheeks. For me the crying was often a release of the angry hurt feelings I pushed inside of me. I didn't mind the crying so much, as it got a great deal of the negative stuff out of my system. But I didn't like the way crying made me look afterwards and I was often embarrassed about that. I also didn't understand why I'd just start crying for no reason. Sometimes I wanted to have a good sobbing hysterical cry, but the tears wouldn't easily come, and I didn't get the release I knew that good cry would have given me.

At times I just didn't seem to have much appetite, and didn't always eat regularly or well. My sleep habits changed. Often I just wanted to sleep for hours. Sometimes I wanted to sleep even though I really wasn't all that physically tired. Sleep is a great escape for me from my thoughts of sadness and futility.

Sometimes even getting up and dressed and going to work seemed like a major effort for me. Often I had to force myself to do just that. There were many times I ended up being late for work. I felt I had accomplished a major task, just getting to work at all. Trying to be on time, a problem I've had most of my life, was the furthest thing from my mind at times. But other people who were on time couldn't understand why I wasn't, and I received disciplinary write-ups because of that.

When my Doctor told me that I had Depression, in some ways it was a relief. At least now, I knew why I often had those feelings of sadness and hopelessness. Why I didn't feel like the person I used to be. After that, anti-depressant medications were prescribed, and I was fortunate enough to be able to go into extensive out patient sessions of therapy. It helped a great deal to meet others who also struggled with Depression and the varying degrees of this illness we all had. We talked about the problems depression created

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