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Dating Psychology

Dating: Unrealistic expectations

by HeyNita

A woman sits across the table from a man who literally moved the entire table just so she could sit in her seat. It was an extraordinary act of a man who wanted to be rated #1 in chivalry. Just look at him. MMMMMM-HMMMMM. His hair is beautiful. Hands are strong and soft enough to brush up against her face. She can get a lingering scent of his cologne. Not too strong. Just a hint. Nice...very nice. Look at that smile. Oh lord, she'll have to call her Mom about that smile. He makes great conversation and seems to know many of the head people of this restaurant. very impressive. Wearing an expensive suit. She loves a man in a good suit that wears it well. She felt like she was on a date with a guy from the movie "Goodfellas". Something was so exciting about him. She was thrilled to be on a date with him. "So now that you know about me" he says, "tell me about you...". She didn't understand what he was talking about. She didn't really know about him yet so she said with a smile, "umm, I'm sorry, but I don't know about you really". He continues by saying "yeah, you know about me" and he lifts his left hand and points to a tan line on his ring finger. THE GUY IS FRICKEN MARRIED.

How do we tell if what we are expecting is really unrealistic? I think there are times when we try to control someone to almost make them what we want - and that to me is unrealistic. We cannot really change anyone. We can try to influence, or suggest, but not change. In life we spend much of our time marketing ourselves. We put on our best face, outfit, and go so far as to having the right car, clothes, brand names and language. As human beings, we'll do whatever we have to for that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

What should be realistic when you date, in my opinion, is knowing that you are seeing your date in their best - again if this is a real 'date'. They are going to woo you, because that is what you do on dates. Look at our animal kingdom and almost learn from their simple acts. The music the birds give, the dances danced. The colors of the fur and feathers. They all do what they have to do to get their mate. The hardest part of your dates is slowly deciphering what is the book cover and what is the book. What's behind the pretty? Before the date I hope you learned a little about the person and maybe even their family. Not everyone is good at 1st impressions. Others are too good, where they show you a person that they are not. Taking the time to get to know them takes


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