As I watch many of my friends get married or get into long-lasting relationships, I ask myself "what exactly goes wrong with each of my relationships that causes the guy to hate me and me to suffer cruelty, worthlessness, and a decreased self-esteem?" The most likely answer: the trait that all of my ex-boyfriends have in common is that they were emotionally unavailable.

Did I have the luxury of hindsight to know that they were emotionally unavailable before we started a relationship? Certainly not! But as I go through this vicious cycle of broken relationships, broken hearts, and a broken self-esteem, I learn more about the choices I have been making and what I can do to avoid more repeats.

My closest friends could probably tell you that I desire companionship so much that I am willing to settle for almost anything, and to jump into a relationship without waiting. Mistake number one. It's okay to desire companionship, but not to jump into a relationship.

At the very beginning, almost all relationships are exciting and fun because they are new; new couples are often giddy and sappy and floating on clouds. In their excitement, their minds are so far away from reality that when the storm comes, they are both knocked off their feet. When the excitement of the new relationship settles down, then you really start getting to know your significant other...something you should have done before getting into a relationship.

I've had a few boyfriends who generally think that the world is against them, but I did not learn about how their perspective drastically affects their life until I was weeks or months into the relationship. In those situations, those ex-boyfriends had such a bugaboo about the world and other people that they either were not capable of loving, did not want to open themselves to love, quickly became neglectful or abusive, or were too apathetic to care about the relationship. Had I remained friends with these men for awhile before jumping excitedly into a relationship, then I would have likely found out their perspectives on life and would have been able to walk away and avoid a relationship without ever investing and then losing my heart to a man who was incapable of protecting it.

I've quickly come to learn that while both men and women like to have control over their lives, men seem to especially have a need to have control over their life. If they feel they have lost control in one or more areas of their life, then you

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