Have a Slow Day

One driving behavior that causes me no end of frustration is the slow driver. I'm no speed demon, but when I'm going somewhere, I like to actually get there within a reasonable amount of time. Worrying about making up for time wasted behind a slowpoke is not on my list of cool things to do. Yet, there they are.

There exist a few different versions of slow drivers, and depending on who you are, you might agree that these driving styles are acceptable. Let's find out.

1) The Map-Hater. This slow driver automatically assumes that he or she can go anywhere, at any time of day or night, without any help. You will most likely see one in urban or suburban areas, slowing down at every traffic light or driveway, wondering if this is where they are supposed to turn. They can't quite remember the name of the next street, but they'll know it when they see it. Sometimes, they will navigate using only landmarks ("...turn left at the Starbucks, pass the building with the glass front, then take a right at the park with the Lincoln statue..."), but usually they rely on memory alone. They should use a map, written directions, or at the very least, a cell phone with their destination's number, so they can call once they get totally lost.

2) The Bat. Real bats are known for their terrible eyesight, hence the label. I've found this slow driver to be more consistent with speed, cruising at a constant 25-45 mph. Unfortunately, if you're stuck behind them, you can still hear your time ticking away while they peer carefully at every single road sign. It's also a gamble as to whether they will use their turn signal or not.

3) The Drifter. Too often, I find myself behind one of these slow drivers at a traffic light. It turns green, and they go, but their car is somehow aimed at the traffic island on the opposite side of the intersection, or possibly into the next lane. I've started counting the seconds before they realize their foolishness and wildly steer away from the impending crash. Luckily, I've never seen one of these drivers actually run into the curb, a sign, or a neighboring vehicle. How difficult is it to keep your car pointed straight?

4) The Happy Camper. This particular slow driver is usually found in the fast lane of a highway, blissfully driving way below the speed limit. For what reason, I'm not sure. They seem totally unaware that they are making their trip much more dangerous than necessary, both for them and everyone around them. This

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