Listening

I love my wife. She is an extraordinary woman and is truly my best friend. There are times however, when we don't communicate completely. Because I know her so well, I admit I am often at fault of listening to no more than half of what she says. That's probably okay, because there are also times when, because I know her so well, she fully expects that I will understand more than what her words actually communicate My mind-reading talents aside, you can see the perfect conditions exist for major misunderstandings.

In my day-to-day world, I often am too preoccupied with my own agenda to give her my undivided attention and listen to her concerns. When I get like this, she tolerates me for a while, but eventually, she takes me to task for my rudeness. Like many couples who have an established and trusting relationship, her method of restoring my consideration for her point of view lacks the diplomacy that my sometimes fragile ego appreciates. It's not really very pretty, but it is effective.

As I am hit with the stark reality of my lack of consideration, I mentally overcompensate and begin listening to her chiding with the rapt attention to detail she demands, and that I used when we first met. I notice the wrinkle of her nose when she talks and the sparkle in her eye that forewarns of the passion in her words that are soon to follow. She forces her normally quiet voice to speak loudly to command my questionable attention. And even though she is upset with me, her ever-present smile appears in spite of herself. I am filled with the same awe that caused me to fall in love with her in the first place.

It is such a shame that I only really listen when I am gently, or not so gently, shaken out of my self-indulgent fog to really listen to what the most important person in my life has to say.

I have learned that listening, which most believe to be a passive activity, is quite the opposite. If fact, listening is much more active and engaging than talking. If you listen to the words, their meaning, how they are spoken and the passion of the person saying them, you will just begin to scratch the surface of real communication. Add body language, understanding the culture of the speaker, as well as timing and personal motivation, you might actually be closing in on the groundwork needed to begin understanding what the other person is trying to say. Most importantly we must suspend our personal interpretation of the facts and rely on what the speaker

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