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My husband and I met six years ago when I was his pharmacy technician. He was a stroke victim and the physical effects were obvious.

His right hand was frozen in a seized position against his chest. He had difficulty walking. His balance was severely affected and his right leg was weak. He basically has to fling it ahead of the left leg to take a step.

He had great difficulty talking. His speech was slurred and his vocabulary was minimal. I guess that he had about 100 words in his vocabulary. The stroke had stolen his ability to read and write. He lives with a severe case of aphasia. This makes it difficult for him to understand spoken language.

Over the course of four years we would see each other as we rode the same bus to and from work. We developed a familiarity but nothing else.

Then - one day - it happened. He gave me his phone number and asked me to call. I couldn't. I knew of nothing I could say that would help him remember who I was. He never had learned my name. I was afraid that not being able to recognize who was calling could cause him immense embarrassment.

So, instead of calling him and shaming him with an awkward phone moment, I gave him a Valentine card with my number and told him he could call me whenever he needed a friend to talk to. A few days later, he did.

Eight weeks later we were married.

How did he catch me?

What was the secret to his success in catching a woman's attention?

Moreover, how did he hold that woman's attention?

He had spent seven years doing everything he could to prepare for a relationship. He worked hard on a self-improvement routine that held out no promise of success. He attended Alcoholic's Anonymous meetings, where his sponsor and other members taught him about creating and maintaining healthy relationships.

He developed close friendships with strong leaders in business, community and education. These men lived and lead in the ways of gentlemen for him to follow. He began to improve his hygiene, his health and his speech. He gave up cigarettes, which caused him to gain weight. But, he countered that with learning to walk straight and tall. These things are not easy for a stroke victim with any prospects in mind.

No one, not even these good friends, thought there would be a "pay-off". He never expected that a woman would even join him for a date, let alone go out with him regularly. Never in his wildest dreams did he think he'd marry.

I had watched his progress over the course of the four years. It wasn't immediate but I did notice as the years went by that something was improved. The most impressive thing was the change of his heart. He had learned to tame his temper and soften his tone. His eyes had learned to smile and to meet the gaze of others. The sincerity in his face was magnetic.

I can't say that he "had me at hello" but I can say that when he slipped me his phone number, my knees became weak and I nearly fell to the floor.

I am so overjoyed to have him for my husband. He deserves someone greater and grander and more, well, more of everything. He worked hard and he deserves the best. Now it is I who must improve myself to be worthy of him.

What I want you to know is this; it all begins with you. You develop the characteristics you feel would make you valuable to a companion.

If you need more compassion, work on it.
More patience? Work on it.
More gratitude? Work on it.

Work on the things that matter in love and commitment.

You won't win a companion any other way.

Learn more about this author, Sharon Cohen.
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