All relationships require work and commitment. It is no different in blended families and can often be more difficult. If you are the step-parent in a situation where you do not have children but your partner does, the situation may be a little easier. This is because you do not have two groups of children who may clash. It is still hard though. To create a successful blended family the following may be helpful.

1) Remember it takes time to form a relationship. Try to avoid the following.

a) Moving in with your new partner straight away. Let the children get to know and trust you first and for you to know them.

b) Judging the children on certain behaviors and attitudes. Remember they are going through a tough time.

c) Expecting that they will like you straight away.

d) Expecting things will be run the way you want it to. This will lead to resentment from everyone.

2) When you have moved in together you both need to have discussed what rules you require. As sure as anything you will have different ideas. For example one of you requires that a child finishes everything on their plate but the other doesn't. Which rule do you go by? Well, the one the child is used too if there is only one set of children. If there are two then a lot of negotiation as a family needs to occur. Make some new rules together as a family.

3)Define at least six solid rules that the whole family should follow. For example;

Curfew
Dinner time
Safe behavior i.e. drinking, drugs etc
Respect for each other
Effort given to household tasks

You make up the rules with each other based on what is important to your family.

4) When you have defined family boundaries and rules then they must stick. If curfew is 11pm for your fourteen year old then stick with that. They will try to change it to 12pm or later but stick with it.

5) If you want to connect to the children then ask your partner about their likes and dislikes. Remember your partner knows the children best and understands them.

6) If your partner brings to your attention a certain behavior on your part, that is affecting your relationship with the children, then listen to what they say. Try to fix your behavior.

7) If you have teenagers then learn what is normal teen behavior and what is actually dangerous or withdrawn behavior. Sulky is normal, destructive is not. Some rudeness is normal but swearing at an adult is not. Complaining about chores or homework is normal but skipping school is not good. If they are getting into drugs etc then this is a problem.

8) Have fun together. Do spontaneous things. Go away on vacation, you don't need to spend a fortune.

Most of all remember to back each other up in all things based on the rules and behaviors you expect from all.

Learn more about this author, Melissa Walker.
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